Bomb A Head!
by kerricarri
Summary: Deidara never became Sasori's partner. Instead, he was made into a sleeper agent to await the day he would take his promised place as Tsuchikage in the Akatsuki-manipulated hidden village of Iwagakure.


Takes place pre-Naruto around the same time Itachi, Kisame, and Sasori canonically meets Deidara, but with a twist. "Seven Things That Didn't Happen To Team 7" by Diva-esque was what inspired me to try a 'what if' fic on my own. This was also my first serious attempt at politics.

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Looking over Iwagakure with a jeering expression, Kisame made a motion towards his Uchiha partner that caused a raised brow. But then Itachi gave a sharp frown not a moment later when their other companion muttered something beneath his breath; Sasori obviously did not agree to the mission, but who was he to complain? The missing-nin from Konoha regarded the puppet master with cold eyes—a warning? A sign? Whatever it meant, Sasori merely met it with an indifferent glare. 

Kisame, without much prompt, jumped off the cliff edge and slid down the side. From his perspective, the Iwagakure seemed to loom even bigger than it first appeared from his previous vantage point. The other two followed shortly afterwards, though with considerably less enthusiasm than the Mist-nin.

Itachi did not care much for Kisame's curiosity. In actuality, he cared very little for the mission either, something he and the puppet master beside him shared in common. Perhaps the only thing. However, being one of the few Akatsuki to have actually navigated this country's hidden village, he supposed it couldn't be helped if Leader chose him for the job (1). And while Kisame had surprisingly acted on his curiosity and volunteered, Sasori was forced to go with them, per Leader's command. On some points, Itachi could even sympathize with the missing-nin; he hadn't wanted to return to Iwa, either.

Finally, they were done with sliding. It'd been a tedious journey. Leaping across the crevice that met them at the end, the three Akatsuki sedately made their way to the outskirts of the village.

"Leader waited too long," Sasori suddenly hissed after they bypassed security.

"Maa, maa, Sasori-san. Those were only rumors you know."

"Still," Itachi pointed out quietly, "the fact that the boy was even chosen for his role proves that he should have been capable of Akatsuki."

Silence. Slowly, Kisame nodded, eyeing Sasori carefully. "I suppose you're right, Itachi-san. If the boy's strength is to be believed, well…however he turned out, it would have only given us good results."

Sasori coldly eyed the skirting villagers in their path, ignoring their frantic whisperings. "This is foolish. They were aware of our presence from the start, yet the Godaime could do nothing. Iwa is weak. Now that a successor has been named, Leader wants to form an alliance just for show?"

"Ah, but Sasori-san." Itachi smiled mirthlessly. "It is because that boy is the successor that Leader sent us here. Perhaps you are right, we waited too long…but now, this is one opportunity we cannot ignore. Perhaps…he would serve Akatsuki better as a political figurehead than an actual member."

A feral grin stretched out on his partner's face. "Well then, we can't let the Tsuchikage go to waste, now can we, Itachi-san?"

"Indeed. Understand, Sasori, that this will not take long. It is a mere formality that must be observed."

Scoffing, Sasori continued to shuffle, saying nothing in response.

They stopped at a particular building, nondescript in appearance, but deceiving in its function. It was the office of Iwagakure's strongest shinobi and the administration that ran the entire village. Akatsuki was shown in with frightening prompt. Or rather, they proceeded inside with the air that they were expected, and they damn well better be let in. Kisame tossed an extra leer in the guards' direction, enjoying the sight of their squirming. Itachi and Sasori ignored his antics, choosing instead to face the man before them.

No, not a man, but a boy, really. One that Leader was particularly interested in. It should have been enough assurances of the Iwa-nin's skills, but it wasn't. Akasuki had long occupied the fringes of Earth Country, Iwagakure aware of their presence, but helpless to remove them. When the fool of a Godaime died in a reckless battle to cast them out of his lands, civil war broke out for control of the empty seat. In Iwa, to be Kage also meant to have direct control of the capital as well.

Akasuki stood quietly to the side, providing means and support to fuel either side of the war. Leader invested particular interest in overseeing what would become of Iwa, occasionally sending out his soldiers to manipulate events to their favor. And despite a potentially valuable Akatsuki member lost, perhaps the opportunist Akatsuki leader saw some more worth in patiently waiting. Waiting, eagerly, for the inevitable outcome of the war, the direct results of Akatsuki's machinations.

Nonetheless, it took personal experience for them to see for themselves how strong the Rokudaime Tsuchikage really was. Leader was pleased to see that his planning was not in vain for the sake of some Iwa brat.

He stood before them now, back turned to them when they arrived. He carried himself confidently, but not with the cockiness one would expect of him for those who thought they knew him. In the brutal three year war, he had clawed his way to the top. Secretly backed by Akatsuki, it didn't take long for the former chunnin to seize control of the entire country, incredible as it sounded, but by then Earth was ravaged by corruption and warfare.

The chunnin was once a proud member of his village, eager to serve, but naïve to the full extent of war. That was solved quickly, and soon enough the boy was desensitized to a variety of unpleasant things. And then he began to explore his work field and developed a taste for bloodshed.

But truthfully, he did not want the position of Tsuchikage. None knew this except within Akatsuki itself. Both parties were well aware that the Iwa-nin who'd been considered as a possible candidate for Akatsuki was the farthest thing from Kage material. However, when he showed his devastating power during the recent war, after he'd secretly affiliated himself with Akatsuki, his ascension was undisputed. After all, in Iwa, only the strongest could be made Tsuchikage. And there was no questioning that had he been determined enough, he could have destroyed the village he actually despised.

But until then, he'd been wasting that power by offering his services to the highest bidder. In war, no one cared that his standing with the village was grim, or that his official status was nearly that of a missing-nin's (2). Instead, they greedily lapped him up, and thus his reputation grew. And Akatsuki had been attracted to that power.

That was when Leader approached him with a rather intriguing proposition. The chunnin found he could not refuse, had not even been surprised that Akatsuki was able to present him such an unbelievably attractive offer. They had him pegged, and for once he did not mind being led. He'd come to regret it later, but kept whatever protests down with a grin and a bang.

Once the main piece was acquired, Akatsuki was put to work. They moved to establish themselves into Iwa affairs, setting their presence so that they'd be irrevocably tied into its happenings and quickly took subtle and complete control of the civil war. Both sides were far too embittered to care that the common enemy that should have united, instead, divided them even further. Akatsuki's resources that serviced both sides were snatched up and used amongst and against themselves; Iwagakure was nearly annihilated, and it had only been a little over two years.

And then the final play was made: That same upstart chunnin was made a Kage—Rokudaime Tsuchikage, to be exact. It did not help that the whole thing was orchestrated from the start, and that the man Iwa hailed as their savior had actually been carefully controlled by Akatsuki the whole time.

Helpless lambs led to the slaughter. Earth Country held one of the five great shinobi villages, but they could have ended as pitifully as the distant Wave Country could have, and they knew it. To them, only one man could be credited in singlehandedly stopping the most destructive civil war since the post wars of the Third Great War. To them, only one man was the reason they had survived the sudden economic plunge. Which, incidentally, was also manipulated to happen.

Their loyalty lied with only one man. They danced where their Tsuchikage wanted them to dance, and their supposed savior of a Kage looked on with glee as he ruled an entire hidden village in Akatsuki's stead. It's been nearly a year since the end of the fighting, and they would soon learn that they cannot thrive without him. His position firmly established, Akatsuki had succeeded in taking over Iwagakure the moment he was named Rokudaime.

His people were completely unaware that the 'peace negotiations' between their Tsuchikage and Akatsuki was nothing more than a sham, a joke. In his heart, he was nothing more than one of Iwagakure's cutthroat missing-nins, unofficially serving the enemy that they feared and hated. He was their leader in name only, and he made made sure to make it look pretty damn good, if only to appease the "kiddies," a most derogative nickname for his people, if anything.

Leader was right. He made a horrible Kage. But he would've made an excellent Akatsuki.

"Tsuchikage-sama. Akat…Akatsuki has arrived, sir."

No love was lost between Akatsuki and the citizens of Earth. However, the meeting was prearranged and the people of Iwa could only assume that their godly Tsuchikage was making another deal of sorts with the terrorist organization that would profit them in the end; they were not Konoha, self-righteous bastards softened by peace and lush geography, but a straggling nation desperate for aid.

In the past, Rokudaime succeeded in bargaining with shifty Akatsuki before, and in turn he was given a miracle. Again and again, their masterful diplomat and negotiator Kage would ensure their survival and was even leading them to prosper—and if they had to look the other way when Iwagakure played host to several S-class missing-nins, then they would do so. Tsuchikage made them all go away, but not before snatching up opportunities.

The people were happy. The people were very dumb.

"Leave us," the man in question said. "These men and I have lots to…discuss."

Itachi smoothly took a step forward, Sasori and Kisame flanking him. Before the terrified secretary left, the latter sneered at her, enjoying her fear. Just for kicks and giggles, he snapped bared teeth at her, to which Sasori drew out a long sigh. Itachi didn't react, and the Rokudaime's only response was to raise one slow brow, cold amusement dancing in his eyes.

Immediately, once the only ones left in the vicinity were them, the tension spiked, and the Tsuchikage did not seat himself. Sasori's stare could be described as detached, had he not have been able to convey his hate through puppet eyes. He never looked away from the young Kage (3).

Kisame looked totally at ease, even going so far as to seat himself. The other two could claim no such thing, their tense bodies a testament that they were not going to let their guard down for anybody, much less for the man who legitimately had the power to back up his title (4). Even if he was the Tsuchikage in name only, it would be foolish to the highest degree to assume things on appearance alone.

Itachi may well be the assigned leader to their mission, but out of the three of them only Kisame could say he knew the Rokudaime personally, if vaguely. How? Who knew. It was already confirmed that Kisame was curious at the sheer destructive force the boy had. Impressed, even. Maybe they got on famously with each other and nobody knew (3). Itachi certainly wouldn't.

After all, Itachi hadn't been there when the then-chunnin was first mentioned to everyone because it'd actually only been shortly afterwards that he joined the S-class organization. Itachi had learned of the boy's existence only when the Iwa takeover had become relevant.

Sasori just didn't want anything to do with the brat.

Contemplating, even as sharp silence overtook the four of them, Itachi wondered if Leader was right to manipulate the boy into a position as powerful as a Kage. Still, his talents would have gone to waste had Leader not have convinced him to consider his offer. Even Itachi recognized the potential in him, and could not believe what the boy had been doing before Leader found him. What it waste it had been, the boy's capacity being squandered amongst pathetic politicians and factions clamoring for more power, wallowing in their own filth and greed. Perhaps it was a good thing after all that the boy became part of Akatsuki.

Oh, certainly he could never be truly one of them, despite his pretty status. Leader had no intention of letting Iwa go, but at least now the boy would never become the petty terrorist bomber Leader refused to allow him to be. The boy had been pathetic, wasting his efforts in pointless warfare. Itachi was amazed that such a foolish boy could hold such capacity for power, a potential that Leader somehow managed to mold.

A slow, teasing curve of the lips, and suddenly the traitorous Iwa-nin was grinning at them.

"So, you're the envoys Sir Leader sent to me, un?"

But then again, the Uchiha digressed, Tsuchikage Deidara was Leader's personal pet project.

Alternate universe: Had Akatsuki managed to acquire Deidara long before his defection.

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(1) Itachi had been in Earth before, but I'm not sure if this is canon. Chapter 359 or something does show Deidara's canonical recruitment, though, which is sponsored by —snicker—Itachi, Kisame, and Sasori. 

(2) Deidara was never a missing-nin during the civil war. He'd been opportunistic, offering his services to both sides. No one was happy about it, but they weren't stupid enough to turn him away. Any antagonistic feelings towards Deidara was wiped clean through Akatsuki's interventions.

(3) It was widely assumed that Deidara was slated to be Orochimaru's replacement, but Pein ultimately kept him in Iwa, which pissed off Sasori because he hates waiting. That was what the conversation at the beginning of the fic was about.

(4) Deidara can back up his title of 'Kage,' but he's not suddenly all powerful. Anyone in Akatsuki, the Sannins, crazy ass Konoha dudes, etc. can kick his ass. His power comes in the form of having absolutely no inhibitions and being the direct puppet for Pein and, consequently, Tobi.

(5) The briefly speculated Kisame-Deidara friendship was a nod to early Akatsuki crack fandom. At the time this was written, fandom!Akatsuki stilled called Pein 'Sir Leader,' had no idea Konan was a woman/even existed, and they all lived happily in a cave. Oh, and old school Akatsuki was still alive. Woot.

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I'm not sure if I will continue this story as a collection of AUs in this scheme. I probably won't do another Tsuchikage theme as I am quite proud of what I created here. Completed sometime during 2007, I am quite fond of Deidara and love to explore his blank slate of a past, since Kishimoto canonically gives little to none. If you have any questions or want to hash out anything through arguements, feel free. Suggestions and critic welcomed. 


End file.
